How does Happiness Equate to Immaturity?

The other day someone who I know and love said I had alot of growing up to do. Now granted, at any stage of life, there's alot of growing up that's to be done. No matter what age, growing up is just a natural thing that you never get rid of. 80 year olds think the 40 year olds have some growing up to do. And 40 year olds think that 20 year olds have some growing up to do. And ofcourse, 20 year olds think that ... well anyone under the age of 20 has some growing up to do.

When I heard that, it actually sparked my curiostiy. I had to know what caused them to say that. Well, after some investigative work, I found out that I'm apparently... TOO happy. What? I'm being penalized for being happy? As if it's impossible for someone to be THAT happy all the time.. (believe it or not, that's not the first time I've heard that...) So as a brief testamonial to myself, I'm going to say this. For those of you that I work with, who I communicate with, who I visit rarely or even often... chances are that until you have lived with me, you know me... but I don't KNOW me.

I could say without a doubt that a few people really know me, and what I've been through, how I've matured, and what stage of life I'm at. That would include my immediate family, my bestfriend Stacey, a couple of people from HIghschool, and Kyle. Now this isn't to imply that I don't trust or love most of you, but until you've lived with me, you just don't know. Just as, might I add, I have no idea what's going on with or in your life until I've been submerged in it. Until then, you're just a couple of funny quips, some hi how are yous, dinners, drinks, and good times... which isn't to diminish my relationship with you... but if you were to stop and think about who in your life knows more about you compared to others, you would understand what I'm saying.

What you DO know about me, is that I'm happy. I'm outgoing. I can talk to just about anyone. I talk entirely too much for my own good. My mind wanders mid-sentence for no apparent reason. I over think things or under think things depending on my mood and their rate of importance and I can be extremely happy and hyper for no apparent reason. Believe it or not, I think that most of those characteristics are actually quite common amongst most people depending on their mood. I, however, pretty much live in this permanant mood that gives me what you just read. What can I say... I am happy, the world interests me, and I rarely let things get me down in the dumps. I thought that was pretty admirable.

But apparently my sporadic thinking and spastic smiling means that I'm incapable of figuring out what I would like to do with my life, which politician to vote for, or how to hold my fork. I just don't understand why, just because I prefer to play, instead of sitting there with my legs crossed like a lady, that I'm so darn immature?! I don't think I am. And honestly, if I have to sit there with my legs crossed and talk about the weather in order to make you think that I'm mature... then think I'm immature for all I care. Because I would rather be myself and be happy then act in a fashion to satisfy your needs.

My viewpoint is this... Maturity isn't being serious ALL of the time... Maturity is knowing when to be serious and when to be silly. And, situation appropriate, I will play all I want.

Sarah Toller

http://que-sarah-sarah.blogspot.com/

Tuesday morning, June 12th, a woman that I never met died. It's amazing how much it has effected me. Sarah Toller, at the age of 30 has passed away from melignant melanoma. The same thing that my soon to be mother-in-law is fighting.

I started reading her blog about six months ago. And I read it religiously. Infact, it's listed as one of my favorites that I visit during my routine of gmail, facebook, myspace, Sarah. She was such a spirit. So ... HAPPY, despite the circumstances that she was going through. She gave me insight to how people who suffer from it feel. I know I try...

I have to stop myself because I don't know what to say. Sarah died... it breaks my heart in so many ways. For her husband/bestfriend Derek, her family, all of us faithful readers, but also for myself because I know the sadness I feel now for a woman I don't even know... will be multiplied by numbers unknown when I experience this for myself.

My words can't do this justice today, my mind is too scattered to focus.

To her family, which consists of blood, spiritual and online... my condolences to all. In a strange way, I feel I'm a better person for knowing (of) her.

http://que-sarah-sarah.blogspot.com/

I'm a crappy friend...

I can be a crappy friend. That’s not to insinuate that I’ve been a crappy friend to you. And I’m not asking for a “No you’re not” compliment. It’s the truth, I’ve been a crappy friend and I’ve lost some really good people because of it.

I think my problem is this. I grew in Texas, moved to Ohio, and then back to Texas. I stayed in both places long enough to make close friends, friends that I care about, and then I up and moved on all of them. That part wouldn’t be so bad if I had just stayed in touch. I would promise to call, to write, and I wouldn’t. And because of that, people who cared, people who legitimately cared about me, are out of my life. I think you can only say “I’m sorry” so many times.

I’m forgetful. And I know what most people say “Only about things you don’t really care about.” But that’s not true in my case. I forget about everything. If I wasn’t currently eating breakfast right now, I would forget what I was eating and you all know I love food! If it wasn’t for a set Monday-Friday schedule, I’d forget that I’d have to work. YES, when I worked in restaurants, I forgot all the time. I forget my keys all the time, I don’t know where I put them down at… my badge for work… seriously, if it’s possible to have gotten lost… I’ve lost it.

And in this case, I’ve lost a couple of close friends; two guys in particular, who through a matter of coincidence, I met. They went to the “other” highs school, but we still made time to hang out with each other. No matter who were dating, or where life would bring us, there was a group of us who I can say were some of my favorite friends in High School.. They are both GREAT guys who deserve nothing but the best. When I was down they would lift me up. They were friends that I was lucky to have.

And as I drift through myspace world… I see that they’re doing good. That their life’s are full of wonderful people who love them. And though my life is more than blessed with a wonderful man who I love to death and many great friends throughout my life… a part of me still misses the swimming pool and peanut butter toast days… the camping… getting me drunk for my first time… the friendship. So if you’re reading this, though I doubt you will, I miss you. I know I suck at keeping up with friendships, especially long distance… but just know, you were some of the good ones, if not great.