The Future

Why am I so focused on the future? I can imagine people asking me that. The honest truth? Because now isn't so interesting.

Why am I so focused on the future? I want to know what I’ll be when I grow up. Granted right now I have a kick ass job that I LOVE, but who knows, a year from now I could hate it. I want to know when I’m going to get married. I live a married life right now, the bank accounts are virtually the same, we live together, everything but our last names and naked wedding fingers screams married. And honestly, the latter of the two has really been consuming a lot of my thoughts.

Why?

Well it’s the wedding season, that’s why. And I am directly or indirectly related to TEN weddings this year. TEN. That’s got to be abnormal.

Side note: I was supposed to get married this year myself. I’m glad I gave back the ring though… we’re both better off in our new relationships and as people.

It is the ooberly girl thing to do to get all wrapped up in this wedding drama. I try not to be, but the man I’m with right now seems to be taking me on this emotional rollercoaster that he swears he isn’t leading me on. But he’s lying.

It seems like when it’s convenient for him to talk about our future, the possibility of children, purchasing a home, and getting married, everything’s dandy. I get butterflies in my tummy and think about that it's REALLY possible!

But heaven forbid I bring it up! I bring it up, and his voice changes to this “she’s pressuring me….” Attitude. I think it’s total crap, and I tell him that when the thought pops into my head.

Right now we’re not really talking to each other because of that.

Which really is quite stupid if you ask me.

But we’re all allowed to be stupid and childish sometimes right?

But seriously, WHY do I want to get married? How would it be any different? We DO already live together, our bank accounts are connected, our car insurance is one account... everything seems like we're already married. The difference? Well it would be official! We would stop living "in sin" and make this promise that we've already made to eachother REAL. We could celebrate and join our families! Why does ANYONE want to get married?

I don't have answers for any of this. There is no concrete reason why I want to get married now as opposed to later. But the fact of the matter is that I DO. I do want to say "I do" and become Stefanie (enter boyfriends last name here).

But unforunately, he's holding all the cards, and he knows it.

UGH

Thought for the day:
“Maturity” isn’t knowing everything. It’s realizing that I know NOTHING.